Insanity Is An Exusable Sin
by Merrywetherweather
Summary: A pale Gamzee and Karkat fic that might turn into redrom if I want to develop it more. It's rated T right now for language, but that could change later depending on the pale vs redrom thing.
1. Struggle

Karkat saw it; the small piece of Gamzee that would sometimes snap. In a moment of fear he tried to rush towards the door, but he had barely made it a foot before his hand was forcefully grabbed. Karkat tried to wrench his hand free from the hold but Gamzee was so much taller and stronger.

The feelings jams were becoming so much more violent, but Karkat still stuck around. Gamzee needed him. He needed a morail.

Gamzee's grip tightened and Karkat was tugged closer, his body slamming against the larger troll's solid figure. Gamzee grabbed his other hand and bent his face lower until he was about level with Karkat. His eyes glowed a fierce red.

"Motherfuck!" Gamzee screeched and gritted his teetch.

Karkat felt tears well up in his eyes as Gamzee's grip loosened and tightened. He seemed to be internally conflicted about his actions. Maybe he didn't actually want to harm Karkat.

A dark veil floated above the Capricorn's head, and he audibly growled. Pulling Karkat over to the horn pile, it seemed as though he had made his decision.

"No! Stop! Gamzee! Shoooooooooooosh!" Karkat tried desperately to sooth his morail, but his shaky voice only hastened Gamzee's pace.

Gamzee threw him onto the horn pile, "Gamzee… I-."

"Shut the motherfuck up!" He gripped the bridge of his nose as if in concentration. His facial features softened a bit. One of the horns beneath Karkat honked.

Gamzee's gaze traveled to the offending noise and then up to the face of his best friend.

Karkat could already feel bruises coiling around his wrist. Shifting his weight to cradle the stinging hand he accidently honked a few more horns.

This seemed to enrage Gamzee who snarled and grasped Karkat's protein chute, claws digging into his flesh.

"G-Gamz-Ack!" Karkat choked out his best friend's name. Gagging, tears running down his face, Karkat silently chastised himself. _You let him down. You don't deserve to be his morail. You let everybody down._

Karkat brought up his hand to Gamzee's. Lightly he patted at the hand encasing his throat, making gentle papping sounds. His lips could no longer make shoosh noises as he was running short of breath, but the sudden intimate, and yet small, gesture caused Gamzee to release his hold.

The red in his eyes faded away and he seemed to have mellowed a bit. He looked down at his hands. Droplets of purple liquid were splattering them. He was crying.

Karkat hacked and coughed until he found himself spitting up blood. Turning to Gamzee, he watched, wide-eyed as the troll, who was probably two heads taller than himself, fell to his knees and wept. He hugged himself and shook with sobs, "I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to hurt-," he looked at Karkat, eyes begging for forgiveness, tears smearing his face paint further.

Karkat knelt beside Gamzee and threw his arms around him, "It's okay. I know. I'm here."

The gentle shoosh papping continued until Gamzee went quiet. He turned his face away, staring off into nothing, "I'm going into hiding again."

"…"

"I think it will be for the best, motherfucker."

"I know."

"I'm sorry that I'm the worst motherfuckin morail and best friend a motherfucker could have."

Karkat snuggled into his morail, drinking in as much of his scent as he could before he disappeared for who knew how long, "That's not true. If it weren't for you, I'd have no one to talk to. I'd just be arguing with myself in those shitty memos. I'd go insane if you weren't here."

Gamzee chuckled darkly, "I can't even reciprocate that motherfuckin sentiment. I'm already insane."


	2. Lonely

**Notes from the author: So I've decided to continue with this. You guys have no idea how hard it is not to slip in any Davekat. I've been a little lacking in updating with new stories and chapters lately because this is my senior year and I'm busy with college stuff.**

Moirails are more than best friends. They represent stability. They symbolize a calmness that is always consistent in a troll's dynamic life which is usually filled with fickle quadrants.

Karkat and Gamzee had never been the best moirails before The Scratch, but they worked. Karkat could scream out insults at the larger troll to vent his stress and frustration and Gamzee never got angry. Granted he was high as fuck most of the time but it was pretty much an ideal situation, considering nothing Karkat said could actually stick to him. And Karkat didn't usually have to do much for Gamzee, aside from humoring him whenever he murmured a "best friend" or a "motherfuckin miracles, brother".

Slowly, although it was a little selfish to think about, Karkat came to realize that he needed Gamzee just as much as Gamzee needed him,if not more so, even if he wasn't the one turning batshit crazy.

Without his moirail he could feel himself slipping into the depression that usually plagued his race, but no amount of sopor was helpful. The black, murky feeling of loneliness coiled its talons around his heart and every so often his chest clenched with pain.

Gamzee was not around to provide him with a feelings jam, so Karkat had to find a substitute. Lately he had turned to his dreaded memos, engaging in heated verbal battles with future and past selves that usually ended with a pity party on both sides of the time lapse. He was terrible at consoling himself and the memos did more harm than good. They began to make him feel inadequate as a moirail. How could he protect Gamzee's sanity when he could not guard his own?

He locked himself away in his room, rereading romance novels and sitting though his romcoms that did virtually nothing to distract him from his growing instability.

Kanaya took notice and tried to supply him with some relief, "You can always talk to me," she would say. But it felt dirty, like he was cheating on Gamzee. So he politely declined. Besides, Kanaya had Rose to occupy her time now. She needed to focus on her own quadrants.

Even Strider, with his nonchalant façade, attempted to cure the downtrodden Cancer of his worries. But no amount of sparing or oral abuse lifted the darkness that gripped him.

It wasn't until two weeks had gone by that he reached a breaking point.

An anguished, tormented scream.

No.

A cry for help echoed through the hallways and rooms of the meteor.

Rose had been the first to find Karkat, clutching his arms with such ferocity that his claws were digging into his tough skin, drawing blood. His face was tear streaked and his expression was more animalistic than human. He was snarling and thrashing wildly among a pile of pillows and blankets that he had been using as a napping spot for the past month.

Rose had just stood by idly and waited for him to wake up from his cruel nightmare. He trembled in the dark room, silent sobs choking him and burning his throat. She had cautiously approached him from the side, almost like she would a rabid dog that might or might not bite her, and slid a comforting hand smoothly over his back.

"Shoo… It's alright. It will be alright," Karkat didn't know if it was her seer powers or her usual confidence in most subjects that squelched some of his fear.


End file.
